Grateful

K Belle was in pre-K and getting all prepared for her Thanksgiving feast. There was a program that preceded this feast where the children, as par for the course, dress up like Pilgrims and Indians (Can you say “Indians” anymore? I’m not real sure. Seems strange to say “Pilgrims and Native Americans”. I like “Indians”. I’m going to say “Indians.” I mean … I am about 1/24th Choctaw Indian, so I think I can, but still kinda unsure. Gonna say it anyway.) and sing some sort of Thanksgivingey songs, recite poems, and just generally be cute.

And, as par for the course again, my child decided that, despite how adorable she was in her Pilgrim hat, she didn’t want to wear the hat. She pitched a fit about wearing the hat. I told her she HAD to wear the hat just like everyone else. I told her that the hat was cute. It really was. I told her to basically suck it up, get out there in that hat, and stinkin’ sing her song and be cute. Enough already.

Beau and I sat amongst all the parents “oohing” and “ahing” over their precious little ones, while K Belle stood smack dab in the middle of the group and cried. I mean, huge crocodile-tears cried, all because of that cute, white paper hat.

Today, this girl has no problem performing in front of audiences and she definitely has her own sense of style. In fact, today she’d probably be the one who wore the white Pilgrim hat when no one else did.

If this event would have happened after the life circumstances we have experienced and continue to live out, I probably would’ve let K Belle go hatless.

My perspective on life has changed.
I don’t care about a lot of stuff I used to care about.
There are a lot of things in life that we waste brain power on that just don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

I’m finding out what it means to be truly grateful.

I think my gratefulness was always associated with events, like the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday or  things that were happening in my life.

But, gratefulness is a way of living.

Living a grateful life is nurturing a heart of constant gratitude, not only in good times, but in bad.
That’s not an easy thing to do in hard times. But, that’s when you find out what you’re truly made of.

When you have a grateful heart, you can remain grateful even when you are lacking, when your need hasn’t been met, when you have no answers. 

Take time throughout your day to notice all you have and all you had in this life. Be grateful for it.

Be grateful for the breath you get to breathe when you wake in the morning.

Be grateful for the simple things, like packing school lunches, grocery shopping for your family, holding the hands of your little ones and your husband, and sharing a home with the ones you love.

I wasn’t grateful enough.

What I would give today to be picking up dirty clothes off the floor and solving an argument between sisters.

I wasn’t grateful enough.

In the midst of this trying time, I have to purposefully make my heart grateful.
I intentionally look for things throughout my day for which to be grateful.
I thank God for the blessings He’s granted us through this journey and I also thank Him for the restoration that He promises to bring.
I thank God for so many precious, tender moments I’ve gotten to experience with my child that has truly shown me her heart.
I thank God for the dreams He’s allowing my oldest daughter to live out.
I thank God for such an amazing, selfless husband whom I can lean on day-in and day-out.
I thank God for the provision He’s granted us and for the provision that is still to come.
I thank God that knowing Him allows me to always be able to say, “everything will be ok.”

Unfortunately, we are back inpatient after only getting to be home for four days.
We had to take La Petite Belle into the emergency room last Tuesday afternoon due to multiple fainting spells. They became more and more frequent, accompanied with more and more vomiting. After 24 hours in the ER, two days in PICU, one day in PCU, we finally ended up back on the BMT floor Friday night. Many tests were run on our girl’s heart and brain. Turns out her “fainting” spells are a response to pain in her gut. La Petite Belle does not actually become unconscious, even though she looks that way. Her vitals stay stable, but she is limp, lifeless, and eyes rolled back. What she is doing is something called “vagaling.” It was described to us as her body’s way of “bearing down” as she’s about to experience some type of pain. The vagus nerve itself is actually directly responsible for digestion, moving food along through your stomach. Everything is starting to make sense now as today we got results of another test that was done called a “gastric emptying” test, which shows if her stomach is actually emptying the contents that are put in. The results came back and she has delayed gastric emptying or Gastroparesis. This is why just recently she has been vomiting more and is never hungry. She hasn’t been eating anything at all, actually. A new medicine will be started today which promotes stomach emptying and gut motility. We are praying that this will solve yet another stomach issue, which, in turn, will solve the “passing out.”

In being home just four days, we did notice her getting up more and getting stronger.

Pray with us that this new medicine does the trick and we can go back “home” to the apartment. Please continue to pray for her kidneys to return to fully functioning and her to get stronger each day.
An even more detailed prayer list is in the previous post.
I am grateful for all your prayers, for lifting up our family daily. We love you all.
If you would like to financially support Katie’s (aka La Petite Belle) journey to healing, you can find more information here: www.gofundme.com/Katieg.  All funds go to cover medical bills and expenses.