I hate not being in control.
If I’m in control, I know that things will get done and they will get done the way I want them done … the right way. I know a lot of you feel the same way, so don’t judge me. When I’m in control, I know what the outcome will be.
I do it in almost every area of my life. It’s craziness.
A friend pointed it out to me the other day as we were driving. I have mentioned my fear of bridges before. I really don’t like them. It’s simply due to the idea of the vehicle I’m in plunging from hundreds of feet above into water. I envision horrid scenes of being trapped in the car not being able to kick out the back window (that’s what you’re supposed to do by the way … I’ve made sure to know) and drowning. Drowning would not be my first pick of a way to die.
But, I digress …
As we’re driving, or should I say, I’m driving, I refer to my fear of bridges right as we’re getting on one of them that I am not a fan of. She knows about my fear. I say, “But, you know what, I’m less fearful when I’m driving than when I’m just a passenger.”
She says, (this woman is quite intuitive when it comes to figuring me out), “Yeah, because you’re in control.”
Hello. Epiphany.
That’s the story of my life.
If I’m driving, I’m less fearful. It’s when someone else is driving that scares me.
Wait … isn’t that part of the whole trust issue that we all have to begin with? At least that I have. I don’t think I’m the only one.
I have a hard time trusting. Come to think of it, in almost every area of my life again, I have a hard time trusting, even in my relationship with God.
It should be easy by now because God has only shown Himself to be faithful to me. He has never let me down. Never.
Truth is … the hard truth … people will always let me down, even those people that I love and love me. They’re human. I shouldn’t put so much pressure on them to be perfect knowing full-well that they can’t be.
The question is can I give God the steering wheel? And, then when that steering wheel is handed over, will I still fear knowing that He’s the One driving me over the bridge?
This weekend I threw up my hands and gave the steering wheel over to the Lord and told Him to drive. I may have even told Him to let me out for fear of where He’s taking me.
Ahhhh….. me and control issues… we go WAY back.
AND – this totally reminds me of a song. 😉 {Think Carrie Underwood…}
you mean i'm not the only one who fears of going off into the water from a collapsed bridge? mine may have stemmed from nearly driving off the huey p. long when i first got my license… that's where i learned to stay out of 'blind spots' while on bridges. scary!
First I think of Carrie Underwood, then my mind immediately jumps to Tim Hawkins. Totally off topic, I know, but I give you: Cletus take the Reel.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zfs3BJZxKkc
PS: I'm cursed with the same affliction. Aren't we all!